Caillou Wonka
by Totally dissolved
Summary: Caillou wins a Meet Wonka contest and now, Wonka has to spend a whole day with him! Will he survive or be tortured to death by the world's most annoying 4 year old?


_A/N: Nothing wrong with jumping a bandwagon!_

Willy Wonka is walking up to Caillou's house one morning after breakfast. A week ago, he had launched his contest to spend a week with Willy Wonka by winning one of five Silver Tickets, and a boy named Caillou won all of them. Now, Wonka is unhappy because he has to spend a whole day with Caillou.

"Charlie, do I really have to do this?" Wonka whines.

"You have to, Willy," Charlie Bucket says, "You agreed to spend the day with whoever won that contest.'

"But he's four years old!" Wonka whined. "Why would a four-year old boy want to meet a chocolatier extraordinaire?"

"He probably just wants to be friendly, Willy."

"He should make friends his own age then!" Wonka barked. "We're eccentric chocolatiers, and if people hear about this, they'll think we're a daycare!"

"It's only for a day, Willy," Charlie Bucket says, "I know you don't like this situation, but you made a promise."

"We could just cancel the contest," Wonka pointed out, "Nobody would think anything of it."

"That irresponsible, Willy, and would just upset him."

"I'm cool with that," Wonka responded.

"If you don't go, I'll tell the Oompa-Loompa's to dump your hair cream!" Charlie threatened.

Wonka sighed. "Why, Charlie? Why?"

* * *

Wonka is now at Caillou's house.

"We're glad your here, Mr. Wonka," Boris said, "Caillou has really been looking forward to today."

"Uh-huh," Wonka responded in indifference.

"Caillou, Mr. Wonka is here!" Doris calls.

"YAAAY!" Caillou cheers, coming into the room.

_What kind of name is Caillou?_ Wonka thought. _And why is he bald? Chemotherapy?_

"You did a good job of winning that contest, Caillou," Boris said. "Now you get to spend the whole day with Mr. Wonka. Are you excited?"

"Yeah!" Caillou cheers. "We're going to have lots of fun! We might even be friends!"

Wonka rolled his eyes, though nobody could see through his sunglasses.

"You two play nice, now," Doris says before leaving the room with Boris.

"Hi, Mr. Wonka!" Caillou says. "I'm Caillou. I'm just a kid who's four! Each day I grow some more! I like exploring-"

"Perhaps we can go do something," Wonka says quickly.

"Do you want to meet my sister and my cat?" Caillou asked.

"Not really, but they ought to be a little better than those nuts downstairs who raised you," Wonka responded.

* * *

Wonka and Caillou are now in Rosie's room. Rosie is playing with her toys.

"That's Rosie," Caillou said, pointing to Rosie.

"I care so much," Wonka deadpanned.

Rosie hit Wonka with her rattle.

"OOOWWW! That evil child hit me!" Wonka roared.

"She didn't mean it. She was just playing," Caillou said. "Are you okay?"

"No! She left a bump on my head!" Wonka complained.

"I'll go get you a Band-Aid," Caillou promised. "I'll be back!"

Wonka glared at Rosie. "I'll get you for that one day."

Rosie hit him again, worsening the pain of his bump.

"Here you go," Caillou says, returning with a Band-Aid.

"Thanks," Wonka sneers, while placing the Band-Aid on his bump.

"Look, there's Gilbert," Caillou says, pointing to Gilbert as he enters the room.

Wonka reached down to pet Gilbert.

Gilbert bit Wonka.

"OOOWWW! HE BIT ME!"

"He didn't mean it," Caillou says, "He was just playing. Are you okay?"

"No, look at this mark he left!" Wonka pouts.

"I can go get you another Band-Aid. I'll be back," Caillou says, leaving the room to get another Band-Aid.

"I'll get you as well once I deal with Rosie," vows Wonka. Gilbert bits him again.

"Here you go," says Caillou, coming back with a BAND-aid.

"Thanks," Wonka sneers, placing the band-AID on his bite.

"Do you have any pets?" Caillou asks.

"Yes, his name is Charlie Bucket," Wonka says.

"Let's go to my room and play board games!" Caillou cries.

* * *

Wonka and Caillou are in Caillou's room.

"What game do you want to play first?" Wonka asks.

"Let's play Candy Land!" Caillou suggests.

Caillou and Wonka play Candy Land. Caillou wins and Wonka loses.

"Let's play something else," says Wonka.

"Okay, let's play Chutes and Ladders," Caillou suggests.

Caillou and Wonka play Chutes and Ladders. Caillou wins and Wonka loses.

"Let's play something else," says Wonka.

"Okay, lets play Trouble," Caillou suggests.

Caillou and Wonka play Trouble. Caillou wins and Wonka loses.

"Let's play something else," says Wonka.

"Okay, let's play Hungry Hungry Hippos," Caillou suggests.

Caillou and Wonka play Hungry Hungry Hippos. Caillou wins and Wonka loses.

"Let's play something else," says Wonka.

"Okay, ley's play Cherry-o," Caillou suggests.

Caillou and Wonka play Cherry-o. Caillou wins and Wonka loses.

"Let's play something else," says Wonka.

"Okay, let's play Ants in the Pants," Caillou suggests.

Caillou and Wonka play Ants in the Pants. Caillou wins and Wonka loses.

"Let's play something else," says Wonka.

"Okay, let's play Bananagrams," Caillou suggests.

Caillou and Wonka play Bananagrams. Caillou wins and Wonka loses.

"Let's play something else," says Wonka.

"Okay, let's play Don't Break the Ice," Caillou suggests.

Caillou and Wonka play Don't Break the Ice. Caillou wins and Wonka loses.

"Let's play something else," says Wonka.

"Okay, let's play Colorama," Caillou suggests.

Caillou and Wonka play Colorama. Caillou wins and Wonka loses.

"Let's play something else," says Wonka.

"Okay, let's play Qwirkle," Caillou suggests.

Caillou and Wonka play Qwirkle. Caillou wins and Wonka loses.

"Let's play something else," says Wonka.

"Okay, let's play Snail's Pace Race," Caillou suggests.

Caillou and Wonka play Snail's Pace Race. Caillou wins and Wonka loses.

"Let's play something else," says Wonka.

"Okay, let's play Let's Go Fishing," Caillou suggests.

Caillou and Wonka play Let's Go Fishing. Caillou wins and Wonka loses.

"Enough board games!" cries Wonka.

"Okay, let's play with my blocks," Caillou says.

* * *

Caillou and Wonka build a big block tower. Right before they finish it, Rosie knocks it down and all the blocks fall on Wonka.

"ROSIE!" Wonka yells.

"It's okay. She was just playing," Caillou says.

"That's what you claimed when she hit me!" whines Wonka.

"Let's build another tower,"

Caillou and Wonka build another block tower. Before they finish it, Caillou knocks it down and all the blocks fall on Wonka.

"CAILLOU!" Wonka roars.

"Sorry, it was an accident. Let's build another block tower," Caillou says.

Caillou and Wonka build another block tower and this time, they finish it.

"Yay! We did it!" Caillou cheers.

"Nobody knock it down this time!" Wonka says.

The tower collapses by itself and the blocks fall on Wonka.

"I want out of this house!" Wonka roars.

"Okay, let's go to the park and have lunch," Caillou suggests.

* * *

Boris and Doris take Caillou, Rosie and Wonka to the park. They ride the car there and Wonka rides in the back seat with Caillou, Rosie, and Gilbert. Wonka sits between Caillou and Rosie and Gilbert sits on Wonka's lap. Caillou, Rosie, and Gilbert spend the whole car ride annoying Wonka. Caillou talks to him nonstop, Rosie pulls his hair nonstop, and Gilbert hits his face with his tail nonstop. Wonka, Caillou, Rosie, and Gilbert are now having a picnic lunch.

"What are we having for lunch?" Wonka says.

"Mommy and Daddy made us some baloney sandwiches," Caillou says.

"Is that the only kind of food we have?" Wonka asks.

"Yep, here you go," Caillou says, giving Wonka a sandwhich.

"No way," Wonka says, throwing the sandwich down, "I have a better meal with me."

"You do?" Caillou asks.

"Yes," Wonka says as he puld gum from his pocket, "this gum is a three course meal. Roast beef, tomato soup, and blueberry pie."

"Can I try it?" Caillou asks.

"Fine," Wonka says, handing Caillou the gum.

Caillou chews the gum. "Wow, Mr. Wonka, you were right! I can taste roast beef!"

"Oh, wait, I just remembered Caillou, don't -" Wonka says, then stops and smiles darkly. "Don't stop chewing!"

"I won't!" Caillou promises, "Now it tastes like tomato soup!"

"Good," Wonka giggles, "Don't stop!"

"Now it dessert!" Caillou cries, "It's blueberry pie!"

Wonka took several steps back as Caillou began to swell up into a massive blueberry.

"Mr. Wonka, what's happening to me?" Caillou asks.

Wonka didn't answer, instead pulling a pin out of his pocket and throwing it at Caillou. The pin teared a hole in Caillou, causing blueberry juice to explode.

"Well, at least that's over," Wonka said happily. Wonka clapped his hands to summon his Great Glass Elevator, got in, and quickly returned to his factory. Meanwhile, the blueberry juice dissolved Caillou's bones and eventually his entire body, while also fatally burying Doris, Boris, and Rosie. Gilbert escaped at the last minute, and moved to Muncie, Indiana to live with his cousin Nermal.


End file.
